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Stupid vending machine took my money because the bag of chips didn't drop! I starting pounding the glass as hard as I could then I looked up and saw a surveillance camera and walked away slowly out the break room.... >_< 
No one likes laying in the wet spot but everyone loves making one.
at Walmart buying pajama jeans for Thanksgiving dinner.
Time for the shake weight exercise, minus the shake weight.
i'm feeling a little off today , wanna turn me on?
No, my status is not about you. I have other important things in my life.
REMEMBER:If you burn down your house on Thanksgiving....the Turkey wins
I think I've got mood poisoning. It must be something I hate.
Always dress like you're going to see your worst enemy.
I want to sleep but my mind keeps talking to itself.
You sir are so fluent in bullsh!t.
HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER - I was shopping for condoms and she asked if I knew how to use them.
Life would be more bearable if our problems only lasted as long as Kim Kardashian's marriage.
Shut up unless you want your next period to come out through your nose.
I think I may be getting too old for a holiday metro vest and skinny jeans....Which most likely explains the weird looks I was getting when I split my pants while shopping at Hot Topic!
Life is like toilet paper, you're either on a roll or you're taking sh!t from some @sshole!
Funny how things change with time, I used to hate spankings.. ;)
There are some words you can't just take back, no matter how sorry you say you are.
i'd like to see things your way but i'm not sure I can stick my head that far up my ass
war doesn't determine who's right . . . war determines who's left . . . 