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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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Being in prison and being married are alike in many ways except in prison there is a lot more sex.
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11-11-2011 08:32 by
RH
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Allow me to explain marriage to you non-married people: You know how some people have friends with benefits? It's the complete opposite of that.
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11-11-2011 08:24 by
Marshall the Great
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Ladies: guys don't care if the carpet matches the drapes as long as there is no rug on the back porch.
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11-11-2011 08:22 by
Marshall the Great
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When you say "everything happens for a reason" and I kick you in your face... The reason is because you said that.
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11-11-2011 08:20 by
Marshall the Great
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If a stranger in a bar has never bought you a drink you are probably ugly.
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11-11-2011 08:12 by
Marshall the Great
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Wow the liquor store clerk just said he's worried about me. I think it's time for a change. To a less judgmental liquor store.
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11-11-2011 08:07 by
Marshall the Great
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The reason I don't play Scrabble online, is that I can't throw the tiles at the person who beats me.
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11-11-2011 07:39 by
Mick F
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While you gamers play Call of Duty, keep in mind those men and woman that have answered the real call to duty. Happy Veterans Day.
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11-11-2011 07:30
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Freedom is never free...Happy Veterans Day!!!!
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11-11-2011 06:51 by
sondra8200
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I failed my drivers test, they asked what should I do when I see a red light & I said, check my BBM
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11-11-2011 05:56
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So you call yourself an adult but I bet you can't sleep with the closet door open just a little bit because you think someone might be looking at you like the boogieman.
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11-11-2011 02:36 by
ff1241
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"Police! Open the door!" ... "Will you promise not to get mad?"
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11-11-2011 01:30 by
Czovczov
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if you are down & need a friend, call me...if you need to borrow money, the number you have dialed is no longer in service
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11-11-2011 01:22 by
Eddy
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rick Perry...texas has a Republicam Governor running for president that seems like an idiot...this sounds familiar lol
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11-11-2011 01:09 by
Eddy
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Pirate pick up line 101: "I love your eye-patch and how it brings out your other eye."
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11-11-2011 01:08
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11/11/11....my calendar is speaking to me in binary
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11-11-2011 01:06 by
Eddy
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Sometimes when I cut my toenails, I leave them all over the floor just in case ants need to use them as swords when they are at war.
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11-11-2011 01:03 by
Czovczov
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I don't have a drinking problem. I have a stopping problem.
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11-11-2011 01:02 by
Czovczov
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I remember when I was a kid I went on the computer just to use paint. :)
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11-11-2011 00:48 by
@OMFG_Rel8able
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Dear anyone who can finish an eraser, chapstick, and a pencil, without losing it: You're my idol!
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11-11-2011 00:33 by
@OMFG_Rel8able
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