Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Newt Gingrich doesn't just have skeletons in his closet, he has the whole bone army from the 7th Voyage of Sinbad.

   Hey Little Drummer Boy -the Roman Army's hunting us, we're hiding in a barn & the baby's sleeping. Maybe STFU w/the drum.

   If you get offended easily, I suggest you avoid me like a redneck relative.

   Found a fruit roll-up in my pocket this morning. Which means one of my kids has a peach flavored blunt wrap in their lunchbox..

   I swear all my tweets end up in an empty room in brazil.

   The Revolution will not be televised but a podcast seems inevitable.

   I overheard a woman yelling at her husband for paying more attention to Facebook than to her, or at least that's what I think she said to me.

   A man on the street needs 50 cents to get on the bus. I feel bad for him so I give it to him. The guy smiles, walks in to the nearest bottle shop, comes out with a beer and keeps strolling down the street. Well played homeless man..well played.

   Judge your self-worth by how far you can stick your finger up your nose.

   MTV has “My super sweet 16″ and “When I was 17″ what is next? “Officer, I swear she was 18!?”

   I disagree with Kay Jewelers. On any given Friday or Saturday night I'd bet more kisses start with Bud Light than Kay.

   I'm a peaceful man, but even I wanted to knockout whoever was blurring booty shots in the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show.

   While Lebron is playing for the East, his mom was riding the West.

   I was calm, until you told me to calm down.

   Santa knocked on my door yelling "Ho, Ho, Ho!" and I told him that your girlfriend doesn't live here.

   I mustache you a question. Nevermind, I'll shave it for later

   Some people just need a sympathetic pat... on the head... with a hammer.

   We all have a "friend" we don't even like..

   Opinions are like orgasms. Mine's more important, and I don't give a fuck if she has one or not.

   My New Year's Resolution? 1080p.