Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   How did Nancy Grace get on TV? She reminds me of someone who qualified to be an office manager of a mobile home park

   Back in my day Werewolves didn't fall in love with babies...THEY ATE THEM!!

   Galatians 1:19 But I saw none of the other apostles except James the Lord's brother.... Go to church fool

   Man Rule #4: Never be the last one on your street to bring the trash bins in.

   If weed was legalized the number of annoying stoners would mutiply faster than a asian kid at a math contest.

   Women hate being treated different than men, until there's a hostage situation and woman and children are let go first.

   It's one of life's cruel tricks that by the time you're old enough to afford a flashy sports car, you look ridiculous driving it.

   It sucks to live in the shadow of your older brother or sister. Imagine if Jesus Christ had a little brother or sister. How do you live up to THAT?

   It takes a brave man to admit he's wrong. It takes a braver man to not delete the original comment.

   Life's not a b!tch, life's a beautiful woman. You just call her a b!tch cause she wont let you get what you want,

   When people say they "live their life" it usually just means "party hard." It doesn't mean "learn a lot about stuff that interests you", "volunteer to help people less fortunate than you", or "enjoy the benefits of a good night of sleep."

   throwing skittles at random people and saying " taste the rainbow b*tch!"

   I study. I take the test. I pass it. I forget what I learned...

   Does your a** ever get jealous of the big amount of sh*t that comes out of your mouth??

   anyone gonna tell Americas Funniest Videos that theres youtube?

   Just finished a great workout.... curls, lunges, and crunches. Does it matter that it was 12 oz curls, lunging toward a bag of reese's cups, and crunching into cookies?

   You know your getting old, when you start changing your grammer in texts..you know "goin' - going, neva-never, ax-ask.

   Begining to question my plans to go boating with Robert Wagner this weekend.

   Not many people can say their Batman wallet matches their underwear. I can.

   I hate waking up in the middle of a great dream and finding it didn't get picked up for another season.