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i get called "insane" at least four times a day by both real and imaginary people. 
Alright, buddy, stop scrolling, its time to wipe that as$
Shower = 27 min. 2min. = Wash and rinse body. 25 min. = Reflection and deep thoughts about the origin of life and the universe.
FLOWERS: $50....DINNER: $75....HOTEL: $199....the look on his face when she tells him, "I'm on my period": PRICELESS.
What if Deja Vu meant you lost a life And you are starting back off at your last checkpoint.
I think it's about time we start requiring people to show us their bank account statements first before we can call them celebrities. Too many broke a$$ folks trying to pass themselves off as important and deserving of the celebrity status.
on a scale from 1-10, you're a 9 and I'm the 1 you need...
facebook sucks for people with attention deficit....oooh, a comment
Sometimes I go to Walmart just to show off my teeth
wanna hear the best pick up line? *unrolls duct tape*
Death is at the NBA's door and Stern just invited it in for a cup of tea.
getting ready to give her sheets some ass & her pillow some head ...good night everybody
I have to show her I can hate her before I show her I can love her
2011: I'm sexy and I know it. 1836: I am physically desirable and I am aware of this statement.
ask me about my attention deficit disorder or pie or my cat. a dog. I have a bike. do you like tv? I saw a rock, hi!
Most dangerous question a wife ever asked her husband: "Honey, notice anything different about me?"
I think I need to lose some weight. I tried to sit up earlier and ended up rocking myself to sleep. :(
***** if you think there should be a "dude I wasnt that drunk" category
~• ~• ~• ~• •~ © ~• ~• ~• ~• SWIM BACK GUYS!!!! ITS THE BIRTH CONTROL PILL
Why is that girls in tamp0n commercials dance and laugh? Shouldn't they be revving chainsaws and burn!ng sh!t down? 