Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   on a scale from 1-10, you're a 9 and I'm the 1 you need...

   facebook sucks for people with attention deficit....oooh, a comment

   Sometimes I go to Walmart just to show off my teeth

   wanna hear the best pick up line? *unrolls duct tape*

   Death is at the NBA's door and Stern just invited it in for a cup of tea.

   getting ready to give her sheets some ass & her pillow some head ...good night everybody

   I have to show her I can hate her before I show her I can love her

   2011: I'm sexy and I know it. 1836: I am physically desirable and I am aware of this statement.

   ask me about my attention deficit disorder or pie or my cat. a dog. I have a bike. do you like tv? I saw a rock, hi!

   Most dangerous question a wife ever asked her husband: "Honey, notice anything different about me?"

   I think I need to lose some weight. I tried to sit up earlier and ended up rocking myself to sleep. :(

   ***** if you think there should be a "dude I wasnt that drunk" category

   ~• ~• ~• ~• •~ © ~• ~• ~• ~• SWIM BACK GUYS!!!! ITS THE BIRTH CONTROL PILL

   Why is that girls in tamp0n commercials dance and laugh? Shouldn't they be revving chainsaws and burn!ng sh!t down?

   The hardcore way to eat ramen: 1) Boil water 2) Eat block of ramen 3) Drink boiled water 4) Snort flavored powder 5) Fu*k B!tches.

   "I'd choose a lazy person to do the hardest job, because they'll surely find an easy way to do it" -Bill Gates proud to be lazy anyone?

   1600's: "Oh Dearest Romeo, I write to inform you I have received your letter and I've been left quite speechless" 2011: " K "

   Your such a slut. The only reason you wear panties is to keep your ankles warm.

   I hate it when I'm digging my own grave at gunpoint and I discover buried treasure.

   To honor John Lennon's death, Newt Gingrich suggests hiring children from poor neighborhoods to clean Yoko's bathrooms.