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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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Vodka + grape juice is pretty amazing. Pink elephants? I'm talking about some mothereffing purple elephants with fancy accents and monocles!
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11-28-2011 08:37 by
SuthernFukr
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I hope popcorn appreciates what the microwave did for its career.
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11-28-2011 08:36 by
SuthernFukr
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Monday morning is a slap in the face to wake us up from our weekend daydream.
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11-28-2011 03:59
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B!tch please! Your bra has more stuffing than a teddy bear.
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11-28-2011 03:51
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I can't wait til the kids go back to school and all the people who are supposed to be working start posting again.
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11-28-2011 03:42
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I'm Not Lazy. Someone Just Stole My Motivation. I'm the Victim here!!!
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11-28-2011 03:05 by
john15xxx
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One thing that will always remain true: There is no cool way to run with a backpack
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11-27-2011 22:38 by
@OMFG_Rel8able
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Alcohol: Because no good story ever starts with "So this one time I was eating a salad..."
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11-27-2011 22:11 by
migasjoe
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the best revenge is to be happy...or laxitives in brownies, whichever
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11-27-2011 22:07 by
migasjoe
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that uncomfortable feeling when your poking session on FB lasted longer than "the real poking'
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11-27-2011 21:49
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"I'm here for you if you need anything" a.k.a. "I wanna be the next guy you bang"
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11-27-2011 20:23 by
@cdowney84
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I just finished putting up my Christmas lights...well actually all I had to do was turn them back on again, since they've been up all year anyway.
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11-27-2011 19:02
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Whenever I set the voice on my GPS to 'Bon Jovi' it just keeps telling me "We're half way there".
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11-27-2011 18:35 by
hihuggiehi
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I never make the same mistake twice. Except for that time in Thailand. But in my defence they had really small atoms apples.
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11-27-2011 18:28 by
@OMG_Its_Matt
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"I faked all my LOLs."
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11-27-2011 18:03
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I Once seen an eskimo pee ice cubes...
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11-27-2011 17:55
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I think the tin man needs to back to see the wizard ,,what good is a heart sure he can love Dorothy but he has no willy..
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11-27-2011 17:54
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Just a Christmas reminder. Buy your kids a big pack of batteries and attach a card that says "Toys not Included".
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11-27-2011 17:16 by
K-Mac
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Shake weight...if shaking and tugging like that makes you so buff like that guy on T.V. Should not all males look like this....just saying..?
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11-27-2011 16:52
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Ok, so Christmas has just started. I guess it's time to start buying Easter decorations!
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11-27-2011 16:49
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