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Happy Cyber Monday!! A/S/L?
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11-28-2011 13:01 by
JaxWylde
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My girlfriend gave me an ultimatum; it's either her or the Facebook. So sadly, this will be my last st@tus update, in which I talk about having a girlfriend.
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11-28-2011 13:00
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The haunting fragrance of her mysterious perfume lingered long after the blinding sting of her pepper spray had faded.
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11-28-2011 12:56 by
The Director
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If you're a female, I can understand if you don't watch football, if you're a man, you have an obligation to your why chromosome.
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11-28-2011 12:53
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FACT: If Osama Bin Laden hid where I hide my porn, he would still be alive today.
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11-28-2011 12:48 by
Czovczov
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Dear Chubby kids chasing me,this is my way of helping cure Obesity...Sincerly,the Ice Cream Truck Driver.
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11-28-2011 12:47
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I hate when people on YouTube say, "if your watching this in 2011". I'm always like oh no, I'm watching it 1500 BC on my IStone.
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11-28-2011 12:29 by
@FastLaneFlyin
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Barney Frank is retiring from Congress to coach football at Penn State....
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11-28-2011 11:31 by
sully
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Knowing when to shut the hell up is a gift very few people are born with.
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11-28-2011 11:26
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Idk what it is about this morning but I'm feeling really homy... Did you read that wrong too?
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11-28-2011 11:25 by
@FastLaneFlyin
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Halloween = candy. Thanksgiving = food. Christmas = gifts. New years = drinks. Valentines day = sex. Birthday = all of the above.
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11-28-2011 11:12 by
@FastLaneFlyin
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The fact that you don't find me amazing doesn't bother me at all, it just confirms what I have suspected all along; that you have bad taste.
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11-28-2011 10:40
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If you're riding shotgun, you're automatically on cop look-out. With great power comes great responsibility.
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11-28-2011 08:53 by
SuthernFukr
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Baby strollers these days are getting out of hand. You're walking a baby. Not taking it 4x4ing through a gladiator pit on a far off planet.
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11-28-2011 08:52 by
SuthernFukr
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Some mornings it's best to just fill the sink with coffee, dunk your head in it, and suck.
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11-28-2011 08:52 by
SuthernFukr
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If it was really a "smart phone" it would know to tell me to wash my hands before I touch it.
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11-28-2011 08:47 by
SuthernFukr
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Just walked by the Kardashian Kollection at Sears and now I have Klamydia.
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11-28-2011 08:46 by
SuthernFukr
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My anaconda don't want none unless you've got buns, hun. #bakerysongs
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11-28-2011 08:42 by
SuthernFukr
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Scotch looks delicious, but then you take one sip and it tastes like a leather furniture store that's on fire.
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11-28-2011 08:41 by
SuthernFukr
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Driving around with the windows down, blasting some Burl Ives, trying to score some holiday sluts.
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11-28-2011 08:40 by
SuthernFukr
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