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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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Some mornings I feel like leaving my coffee until its cold enough that I can just pour it directly into my eyes.
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11-29-2011 00:04
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20-30 years from now, one of the hardest things our kids will be faced with is finding a screen name which is not already taken!
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11-29-2011 00:02 by
eaglet1122
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I wonder what I did at work before I had and I-phone and Facebook.
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11-28-2011 23:52 by
ff1241
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We should feed tuna fish mayonnaise... saving a step in the sandwich making process.
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11-28-2011 23:25
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If we're in a car and I love the song on the radio and you turn it down to tell me something, please know that I now hate you
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11-28-2011 23:21 by
@OMFG_Rel8able
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I rode in an ambulance today....I can't believe they just leave those thing running in front of the ER like a valet service.
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11-28-2011 23:19
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So, if you believe in reincarnation, on your tombstone, instead of RIP, would it say BRB?
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11-28-2011 23:17
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Omg I'm so hungry I could eat my ex wife's cooking while sitting at the table with my ex mother in law!
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11-28-2011 23:17 by
KyRebel129
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What do women and A 10 Pin bowling ball have in common .??
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11-28-2011 23:12
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My dream pet would be a mermaid.
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11-28-2011 22:58 by
rusty266
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Santa is the original Voyager!
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11-28-2011 22:32 by
eaglet1122
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I Escaped from the island of Misfit people..
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11-28-2011 22:05
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They say a picture is worth a thousand words... have they ever noticed that a middle finger is worth a million?
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11-28-2011 21:49 by
BEGO
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I programmed my GPS voice to AC/DC. Now every morning on my way to work it tells me I'm on the Hightway To He!!
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11-28-2011 21:45
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If anyone happens to catch me singing in my car, my immediate reaction is to stare at them back unblinking and still singing, until it is equally awkward for both of us.
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11-28-2011 21:22
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You know what I hate?..when my key ring starts to fill itself up with unknown keys. Where do these extra keys come from?
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11-28-2011 21:17
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I like turtles because they're so chill- They're just like: "Hey man, I want to swim, & maybe eat some lettuce. But I'm gonna take my time.
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11-28-2011 21:06 by
@OMFG_Rel8able
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I escapee from the Island of Misfit Toys
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11-28-2011 21:00
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I want to deactivate my FB account, but I know I would be proud of myself and want to announce it to everyone… on Facebook.
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11-28-2011 20:45 by
BEGO
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Walking into your room and saying “Damn, I need to clean this…” then walking out.
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11-28-2011 20:45 by
BEGO
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