Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I've just bought a 3D Kindle. Or a book as I like to call it.

   Fellas: If you're playing with your X-Box all day, she'll break up with you and some dude will be playing with your ex's box all night.

   "I like your hair." "thanks, I grew it myself."

   ''It's because I'm Black isnt it?!'' ''Dude... You're White...'' ''Oh, so now its because I'm white? I see how it is..

   I need audio of crickets chirping on my phone so I can play after someone I don't like says a bad joke.

   Time magazine named "protestors" as people of the year. Here's an idea for the Ass bags at Time. If you want to honor a group of people, how about the members of Seal Team Six!!!!!

   If you invite a girl over to "watch a movie" and actually watch a movie, you're a failure as a man.

   Me: "Can we have Up Dog for dinner?" Mom: "What is up dog?" Me: "nothin just chilling

   My math teacher staples Burger King applications on failed tests.

   Bob Barker turned 88 this week , what did he get for his birthday? " A NEW CAR !!!"

   The best way to get high for free is to tell potheads you've never smoked before.

   A wife says to her husband you're always pushing me around and talking behind my back. He says what do you expect? You're in a wheel chair.

   I wonder what I'm thinking right now...hummm?

   Im 98% black the other 2% is milk.

   I never even saw what we were running from...... She finally stop to catch her breath, so I tried to asked her what we was running from?......She yelled and took off running again, so I did too.

   "im gonna have to steal this" my number one "compliment"

   Im thinking of opening a specialty store that caters to people with A.D.D. I will call it "The Shiny Squirrel". Or I might just throw rocks at this tree.

   Shutting the door to force your pet into spending time with you.

   The first rule of ADHD club..WOAH, POPTART! KITTY CAT!.. I want Mexican food... How's everyone doing today?

   I guess I'm still butt-hurt over that bad call back in '83 during a game of dodgeball. That fricken Jenny Harden was out by a mile...