Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   In a post-Gadaffi world, Hannukah is the only thing that gets to have 4 legal spellings.

   Trying to look like I'm interested in what someone is saying is often the most strenuous thing I do all day.

   Anyone who recommends me for a huge job promotion has obviously never watched me try to untangle headphone cords.

   f you feel sad, remember: There are people out there right now buying last-minute Christmas presents for their cats.

   "never on schedule, but always on Facebook."

   If you rearrange the letters in CAPS LOCK you get C0CK SLAP!

   Those who say they "I slept like a baby" obviously have never had one.

   Our lives are defined by opportunities, even the ones we miss.

   I disliked the Mexican one simply because you put hafta

   What did the little black kid get for Christmas? My bike :(

   Why is a Mexican like a cue ball? You hafta hit 'em both with a stick to get a little English out of them.

   I am convinced majority of women only wear high-heels to work so they don't have to help move stuff.

   Officer, I promise this weed is prescription, it's for my pathological lying!!

   The best person for a job is generally the one that understands it enough to not want it.

   If it weren't for texting driving would be so boring!

   I'd appreciate it if the phone company just delivered the phone books straight to my recycle bin.

   TIP FOR GUYS: If you have a girl coming over to watch a movie, make sure to pick a movie that's not worth watching. If you know what I mean!

   Do strippers have nightmares about going to work fully clothed?

   Everyone knows someone that can't take the hint when you're trying to end a conversation with them.

   I like my politicians like I like my coffee. I don't like coffee.