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I'd like to see the tambourine make a roaring comeback into modern music. 
You can take off the sexy elf costume now....Steve.
I got a Shake Weight for Christmas. I'm going to try strapping it to my pen!s.
Take a moment to remember all the Elves that got laid off this holiday season.
I gave myself an obscene amount of vodka. I'm so thoughtful.
I wonder what would happen if I burn the tip of this branch on my Christmas tree? WHOOOOFFF
I just want a Christmas like we used to have with all of us together pretending we're enjoying it.
Christmas - when loved ones visit to celebrate someone born in a barn but complain that your sofabed's uncomfortable.
Merry Christmas! Or as my grandma always says, "there are whispers coming from the poinsettia again."
For Christmas I gave myself an obscene amount of vodka. I'm so thoughtful.
having to grocery shop at Walgreens because everything else is closed :(
Like if the T Mobile commercial gets your attention because you thought you heard "Walking in an Orgy Wonderland"!! Gets me every time!!
Some people can't sleep because they suffer from insomnia. I can't sleep because I have an internet connection.
so in the nativity scene...would Paris Hilton play the Virgin Mary or the cow?
the only reason I enjoy Christmas is because it is the one time of the year that my habit of sitting in front of a dead tree, eating chocolates out of my socks, whilst waiting for a strange fat man to enter my house, is considered a normal event!
I dont always drink tequila,but when I do,I get f**king beligerent...stay away from me my friends!
"stepping on a frog"just isnt that funny at Christmas dinner at the in-laws.
says Square box. Round pizza. Triangle slices. I'm Confused :\
The lump of coal I received this year was of exceptional quality, 9,326,423 years ago was a fine vintage year
refusing to ride up Troy's bucket. 