Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon You people that are all cleaned up with the tree out of the house need to stop showing off. The rest of us are drowning in cardboard boxes and pine needles.
←Rate | 12-26-2011 22:47 by CJ Comments (0)  


   messageicon My family is from so far out in the country that my mammy doesn't know she is free. No one will tell her b/c her cornbread off the hook.
←Rate | 12-26-2011 22:37 by eaglet1122 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Golfing today and noticed a Partridge under a Pine Tree. Stupid bird ruined the song.
←Rate | 12-26-2011 21:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Being single and screaming out "SINGLE & LOVING IT!" Yeah don't do that...you don't have a choice
←Rate | 12-26-2011 21:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Can someone tell me where I can return these 12 Drummers Drumming without a receipt? I'm not trying to form an Allman Brothers tribute band for Chrissake.
←Rate | 12-26-2011 21:05 by MTQ Comments (0)  


   messageicon If Crazy was contagious,...you'd definetely catch it at my house.
←Rate | 12-26-2011 20:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I always thought my dad was great when I was growing up, he always got so pissed off every year when santa didnt bring me presents. I felt so lucky to be his son.
←Rate | 12-26-2011 20:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Good new and bad news. Bad news: No good news. Good news: No bad news.
←Rate | 12-26-2011 20:09 by @OMFG_Rel8able Comments (0)  


   messageicon Does anyone know where I can return 10 Lords a Leaping without a gift receipt?
←Rate | 12-26-2011 19:37 by Maureen Comments (0)  


   messageicon So its the day after christmas. boxing day for some; discount shopping to others; toilet blow out day for all who stuff the sh*t out of there bellys at that family member house! Good luck and hang in there.
←Rate | 12-26-2011 18:55 by flyty Comments (0)  


   messageicon My flyswatter is such a buzz kill
←Rate | 12-26-2011 18:38 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes when I wanna be really romantic........ I light a candle when I masturbate
←Rate | 12-26-2011 18:02 by fadolo Comments (0)  


   messageicon All dressed in my jammies and ready for bed, gonna give my sheets some ass and my pillows some head!! nighty night!!
←Rate | 12-26-2011 16:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I love my six-pack so much, I protect it with a layer of fat.
←Rate | 12-26-2011 16:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear bed, I know that I left you this morning, but I love you. Take me back?
←Rate | 12-26-2011 16:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Last night when I was drunk I asked my cat if it could talk, it replied! "Me? How?"
←Rate | 12-26-2011 16:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Christmas is a good time to realize that not all your family are relatives, and not all your relatives are family.
←Rate | 12-26-2011 16:41 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Dude! He just called you a thief!" "Oh HELL NO, hold his wallet!"
←Rate | 12-26-2011 16:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My New Year's resolution is to spend more time wishing my enemies were dead.
←Rate | 12-26-2011 16:41 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon Kids complaining they didn't get an iPhone for Christmas or got one in the wrong color is exactly why other countries hate us.
←Rate | 12-26-2011 16:39 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  



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