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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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Next time I see a dead deer on the side of the road I'm going to leave and come back dressed as Santa Clause with a sign that says, "Help, need ride."
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12-13-2011 05:27 by
g0re
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Me: Wow everything seems right for once. Life: Hold on let me f*ck it up.
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12-13-2011 05:26 by
g0re
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Exit Facebook, close laptop, get into bed, unlock phone, check Facebook ....
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12-13-2011 05:24 by
g0re
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To people who dress their dogs, I hate you more than your dog hates you.
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12-13-2011 05:13 | Tags: Filtered
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When I think about how much time I've spent on Facebook, I wonder how many miles I've scrolled on my mouse wheel.
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12-13-2011 05:08 | Tags: Filtered
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Went to the store and asked for Amy Winehouse's greatest hits. But the guy behind the counter told me they don't sell heroin.
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12-13-2011 04:57
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It's not so much that I'm a KE$HA hater, its more of the fact that I'm a music lover.
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12-13-2011 03:50 by
@johnzilla4
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Only 12 more days till I get some tube socks, a slew of checkered polo shirts I'll never wear, and a box set of Aqua Velva I'll eventually use as paint thinner....Yay! :/
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12-13-2011 01:45 by
totalpackage
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How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
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12-13-2011 01:22 by
The Atheist
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I saw 2 deaf chicks arguing today... one of them said "You betta keep my name out yo hands B!TCH!"
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12-13-2011 00:56
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It's not cheating if you let your girlfriend watch.
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12-13-2011 00:44
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You have a pretty face but I don't like the gang signs your teeth are throwing up at me
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12-13-2011 00:44
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If two blind people are dating, would they say they are "seeing each other" ?
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12-13-2011 00:39
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I got so wasted this weekend I kept spilling drinks...all over the inside of my stomach.
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12-13-2011 00:38
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I told this homeless dude I would send him some supplies for Christmas but I need his address first
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12-13-2011 00:34
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This guy on Maury got caught with Naked pics in his phone, When his wife asked him about it he said they came with the phone
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12-13-2011 00:30
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If you worry, you didn't pray... If you prayed, don't worry.
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12-13-2011 00:29
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Some of you ladies need to stop listening to Beyonce. F*ck relationships! Just keep swallowing until he love you
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12-13-2011 00:28
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I would love to put a smile on your face..and I will be using construction paper and a stapler.
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12-13-2011 00:25
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id much rather have morning wood than morning sickness
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12-13-2011 00:09 by
chris
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