Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   next year I'm wrapping all of our Christmas presents in bubble wrap....it will be like two gifts in one!!!!

   They should make a app for the IPhone that yells "Code Blue Stat" when the battery is weak.

   My ex told me "You don't take our relationship seriously anymore its over." "Finish your sentence, over." I giggled into my pretend walkie talkie.

   I'm sorry but I dont understand some wh!te people...They are the only type of people I see in 20 degree weather wearing sock and sandels with shorts on acting like its f*ckin summertime..

   They should create an app that makes your cellphone go "ahhhhhh" when you plug it in.

   Anyone know how to open a washing machine door from the inside?

   The real reason men buy women drinks is to remind them that we make more money yearly than they do.

   All these girls who are always loitering on Facebook obviously have useless boyfriends who are not doing their job properly otherwise you shouldn't have the energy or time to log on Facebook.

   I've never had personalized license plates, but don't worry, I still know how to waste most of my discretionary income.

   Ladies: If a guy is willing to risk his manhood by entering one of those girly shops just to buy you a present, marry him right away.

   Why do we only crave what's bad for us? Alcohol, deep fried food, sex with strangers. You never hear anyone say "I'd kill for some salad"

   Everybody wants to be in a relationship... But no one wants to give up their single ways so they end up cheating.

   Why do fat girls put their pictures sideways and upside down? You are still fat at every angle.

   PICK UP LINE: Listen, I'm wasted, but the condom in my pocket doesn't have to be.

   So is it the 3rd or 4th refill of water into the nearly empty liquid soap bottle that makes you ghetto?

   The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents. The second half will be ruined by our children.

   We blame society, but we are society..

   I love the phrase "we're expecting" when talking about pregnancy, because it makes it sound like there's more than one outcome - "Yeah, we're expecting a baby.......... but it could very well be a Tyrannosaurus Rex"

   The only people mad at you for speaking the TRUTH are the ones living a LIE.

   I would like to give a big shout out to all the pissed off kids who only get one set of presents a year because their birthday is too close to Christmas.