Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Welcome 2012 !! We hope that you do to us what 2011 did to Mobile Phones - Made them Thinner and Smarter !!

   If you like your own status, you should take your own hand and punch you in your face.

   The way I see it is that life is divided up into three stages, and you only have to wipe your @$$ for one of them. Isn't life incredible!?

   Can't wait 'til I'm elderly so I can wear band-aids on my face without shame or explanation.

   Everything seems louder when you're trying not to wake your parents

   In 2013, my first status will be- "Is anyone alive?!

   H.O.E.S = HAPPILY OFFERING EVERYONE SEX.

   Just because I'm giving up , doesn't mean I don't care. It means I'm tired of giving my everything & ending up with nothing.

   From now on I will only use blue SOLO cups,because of that STUPID STUPID song.

   A sure sign that drugs fu<k you up is that Russel Brand just filed for divorce from Katy Perry...WHAT,an idiot!

   I'm not proud of this, but I haven't showered since last year...

   Last night I jerked off so good that when I woke up my D!ck was in the kitchen making breakfast

   Just saw several boys gathered in the neighbors yard, figure it's probably related to someone's milkshake, or a drug deal....too soon to tell.

   I sleep better naked…why can't the flight attendant understand this?

   Me: I wasn't that drunk.. Myself: Dude, you were talking to yourself! Me: ...and... Myself: ...and you still are.

   The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits.

   making a NYE resolution is like making a wish...you dont need to tell everyone

   I bet there was a lot of red solo cups used last night

   If everyone "resolves" to not care about the Kardashians in 2012 do you think they'll go away?

   My number one New Year's Resolution is: Don't die.