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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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Some people are like fast food…they never look as good in real life as they do on TV.
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12-20-2011 20:20 by
BEGO
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I don't have a solution, but I do admire the problem.
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12-20-2011 20:20 by
SuthernFukr
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My life is like 1-ply toilet paper..I get the job done but I have no idea how.
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12-20-2011 20:19 by
SuthernFukr
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I wonder if Tommy Lee, Tom Jones, and Tommy Lee Jones ever get each other's mail?
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12-20-2011 20:17 by
SuthernFukr
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When you have sex with someone for the first time you get an idea of what their ex liked
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12-20-2011 20:09 by
fadolo
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This time of year makes me miss the two guys from the old Miller's Outpost commercials.
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12-20-2011 18:21 by
Goodeolboy
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Whenever there's a ping pong compatition on tv I secretely hope Tom Hanks shows up, paddle in hand, and just destroys everyone.
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12-20-2011 17:39 by
@OMG_Its_Matt
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You're leaning on your left elbow arent you!
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12-20-2011 16:48 by
@OMG_Rel8able
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Now that one Kim is gone, Kardashian can go too
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12-20-2011 15:40 by
Fat Alec
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Don't worry guys, Casey Anthony will eventually go to jail for stealing back her sports memorabilia at gunpoint. Let's just ride this out.
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12-20-2011 15:01 by
SEAN
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With our lousy credit rating, next time we wanna buy a tank, Canada is gonna have to cosign.
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12-20-2011 15:00 by
SEAN
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We don't have a chimney but I've assured my children that Santa and anyone else could easily sneak into our home at night.
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12-20-2011 14:57 by
SEAN
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The life expectancy of reindeer is 8-10 years. We can stop singing about Rudolph now.
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12-20-2011 14:56 by
SEAN
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Don't lie, cheat or steal. The government hates competition.
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12-20-2011 14:49 by
SEAN
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Math questions are so freaking stupid! Like for example “If I had 30 chocolate bars and I eat 29, what do I have?” Hmmm…. I dunno… Diabetes maybe???
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12-20-2011 14:11 by
ZZZ-FUXY
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Just held the door open for an old Asian man. He said “sank you!” He better not be referring to Pearl Harbor…!
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12-20-2011 14:06 by
ZZZ-FUXY
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At a wedding reception someone yelled: "All the married men please stand next to the person that made your life worth living…" The bartender was crushed to death…
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12-20-2011 14:03 by
ZZZ-FUXY
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Not all the men are in the relationships for sex. Some just want a good sandwich and a blow job…
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12-20-2011 13:57 by
ZZZ-FUXY
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I bought a pack of condoms and the cashier asked me, "Do you need a bag?" I replied, "No she isn't that ugly."
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12-20-2011 13:50 by
ZZZ-FUXY
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On a scale of 1 to Spongebob how ready are you?
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12-20-2011 13:50
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