Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Why is driving so hard for some people? I mean, its like coloring! All you do is stay between the f*cking lines!

   bThe awkard moment when the only thing you know on your test is your name.

   Toy Story must have been written by a woman. Who else would name their toys Woody and Buzz!!

   I like enlarged buttocks and I cannot stop myself from telling the truth.

   Everyone is gifted. But not everyone opens their present.

   Guys with great penmanship probably jack-off to other men with that fancy writing hand of theirs.

   Hold on, I'm trying to give a f!ck

   I hate winter because I can't sniff bike seats.

   I pulled into Dunkin Doughnuts drive thru and a women appeared at the window and asked, "may I take your order". Jedi Master am I.

   Pizza Rolls are just Hot Pockets for midgets.

   Im glad the inspirational photo quotes make you feel like a better person, but seriously do you have to overload my wall with them??

   A chick who ask 4 nothin will get Everything.. A chick who ask for Everything will get NOTHIN!! #Attitude-IS-everything -

   The problem with working from home is the absence of sexual harassment.

   If there is enough room to spell 'bootylicious' on the back of your shorts...it probably isn't

   Damn, I was way off. Turns out Alien vs Predator isn't about an illegal immigrant fighting a child molester.

   Looking for a book club where you have to discuss the same one every week? Try organized religion!

   Any woman who says, 'I can have any man I want' is lying, has no standards and no man wants her ass.

   I hate situations where I have to acknowledge the people I had been successfully ignoring.

   Screw a designated driver. I need a designated liver.

   Jehovah's witnesses would probably be welcomed into more houses if they brought booze or cookies.