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On average I spend $75 a year to watch bananas turn brown. 
I will no longer respect Marine Biologists, if they don't name the new shark species, "Gary Busey"
My girlfriend told me that she has bronchitis. I wish I had a dinosaur.
Sh!t happens. Just flush the toilet and move on...!
Im the guys she marrys, your the guy she only loves in a handicapped bathroom.
HOSTESS has filled for Bankruptcy Protection !!! What is this world coming too? The Good News is the Twinkies will Outlast us all. I think the shelf life is um, Forever.
Brb = looking for an excuse to stop talking to you
not to be rude but, I really don't care.. like, at all.
having his name changed ti zippidy do wap peddy pop
"I wasn't that high!" "Dude, you walked into class, late, sat down & tried to put your seatbelt on."
Today I saw a homeless man holding a sign that said "why live in a $100k home when I can live under a 3 million dollar bridge?"
I love reading Facebook drama, people go so hard behind that keyboard!
Dwayne Wade n Chris Bosh both took cpr classes this summer... just incase Lebron decides to choke again this year.
Today I changed my name in my dads phone to God and when he swore I texted him saying "I HEARD THAT!" The look on his face; priceless.
I don't care if you think I'm crazy. Life is too short to be normal!
"I wasnt that drunk.." ... "bro you threw my parrot into a wall screaming "ANGRY BIRDS! " @___@
When you know why you like someone, it's a crush. When you have no reason or explanation, it's love.
The f***ing thing I f***ing like the most in the f***ing english language is that you can f***ing put the f***ing word "f***ing" every f***ing place you f***ing want.
I hate when I plan a conversation in my head and the other person doesn't follow the script.
please ignore this status, I am standing in public alone and I don't want to seem like a total loner, so I am making it look like I am textin
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