SuthernFukr Funny Status Messages

   I'm not trying to sound racist, but all fireworks look alike.

   I just don't get you people who prefer the cold over the heat. The best times of my life are spent being hot, sweaty, and naked. Not cold, shivering, and bundled up.

   Then God said, “Let there be Internet drama”; and there was Internet drama. And God saw that it was good.

   Instagram is down! I'm freaking out! What are you people eating? How are your pets? What the hell is happening???

   Whoever snuck the s in "fast food" is a clever little b@stard.

   In 2013, my first status will be “is anyone alive?”

   I'll catch you later: Cool thing to say to a friend, scary thing to say to a child.

   The Supreme Court is like regular court but with sour creme, guacamole and extra cheese.

   Christianity should not be cover for Douchebaggery.

   Trying to write a screenplay about an overcrowded cemetery but there's no plot.

   My demographic doesn't include folks unfamiliar with the word demographic.

   I can't believe it. I saw on the news where a midget got pick pocketed in broad daylight...how could anyone stoop so low?

   Some french fries are excellent, and other french fries are just an acceptable way to eat ketchup.

   Turns out Smart Cars also make great fridge magnets.

   Every rule has an exception, especially this one.

   FACT: There is nothing that says “douchebag” better than a Facebook profile picture of your car.

   I come from a long line of people waiting to get in.

   There's a guy whose whole job is to find new places to hide the "close this ad" button.

   Energy conservation activists would get more attention if they called themselves power rangers.

   Leaving a watermelon on someone's doorstep in the middle of night is a pretty inexpensive way to occupy a portion of their mind forever.