Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   If Facebook gets any slower, I'm just going to jog to each of your houses and shout out stuff.

   Just walked into the kitchen and a broom fell towards me. I yelled "ah!" and pushed it away. Bring it on ninjas!

   I must have been extreme snoring last night. I woke up this morning and my uvula was on the ceiling.

   Dear Wednesday, Please treat me nicely, Thanks.

   I found my first grey pubic hair today....normally things like this don't bother me, but it was in my Big Mac.

   Im not a Giants fan but I pay NY taxes so I can root for them whenever I want.

   Back in the day people kept promises. I know this cause plenty of people crossed their hearts and hoped to die and none of them had a needle stuck in their eye!

   We had a happy marriage; it was all that living together afterwards that caused the trouble.

   If it's called a walkie talkie,. How come a vacuum isn't called a Pushy sucky?

   Tragedy strikes Honah Lee, Puff the Magic Dragon was found dead by the sea. Not a good start to the year of the dragon.

   I must have been extreme snoring last night. I woke up this morning and my uvula was on the ceiling.

   biggest lie women tell: be honest, I wont get mad

   We are living in a age where losing your mobile is more hurtful than having a break up!

   Here's an idea on how our Government function....Democrat stands up in congress and says 'I GOT A REALLY BAD IDEA!!' and the Republican stands up after him and says 'AND I CAN MAKE IT SH!TT!ER!!'

   Behind every successful status update there is : Ctrl+C & Ctrl+V

   I hate when I'm texting in class and someone stupid screams, "IS That A Phone"

   I love how people always say they hate drama, yet they're constantly posting their drama on Facebook!

   When I cross a one way road, I still look both sides... . . Just in case there are any women driving

   Subway should have their 6 inch subs on a promotional sale @ 1/2 the cost of the 12inch.. They could have Tupac and Fiftyy cent sing it for them... Tu-Fitty, Tu-Fitty, Tu-Fitty six long!

   please cover your mouth when you're talking to me. I think you have stupid and I don't wanna catch it.