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Girls don't dress for guys, they dress for themselves. If they dressed for guys they would be naked all the time 
In the South we don't pay no attention to that stupid ground hog. We go out and look at the bush hog, if there is frost on it, it's still cold... dammit.
Here's your motivational speech... YOU SUCK. Change this.
I left a note on my neighbors car asking him to stop parking in front of my house. I couldn't find any paper, so I used my car key instead.
You know those times when you just can't think of anything good to write, so you just post some crap? KNOCK IT OFF!!!
a p°nis has a sad life. His hair is a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor is an a55hole, his bestfriend is a pu55y and his owner beats him!
off is the general direction in which I wish you would f°°k!
It's Ok to kiss a fool, it's ok to let a fool kiss you, but never let a kiss fool you
You don't need training to be a garbage collector. You just pick it up as you go along.
Lower your expectations and I will totally amaze you.
Where's everyone at? I need other people ideas.
Ok Mr Bum on the red light knocking on my window, there's a reason why I am pretending to text on my phone.
Human nature is demonstrated perfectly by our eagerness to chant "Air ball!" in unison.
You should never care what other people think of you. Unless you're a dude who wears sandals.
Does it count as naked if you're wearing a hat? I say yes.
I'm finally rich! I have...Silver in my hair, gold in my teeth, crystal in my kidneys, sugar in my blood, lead in my ass, iron in my arteries ans an inexhaustable supply of natural gas!
Forget dude below me and the damn rodent. I'm predicting winter will last until March 20, 2012, at 1:14 A.M. (EDT)
its hard not to notice that a woman's "I'll be ready in 5 minutes" and a man's "I'll be home in 5 minutes" are exactly the same!
They say your sex drive decreases with age. Yes, I may do less driving, but now I get better mileage.
Snookie's got more hip than a potamus! 