Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Fact: You can burn up to 10 calories a minutes while having sex... Related: Looking for a workout partner.

   Yes I would like to receive special offers via e-mail. That way I can forward them to my friends and piss them off.

   If a resturant describes any off its food items as "Our world famous....", it isn't.

   Ladies: You know by saying you want a man who is good in bed implies that you are also good in bed right??

   My Dr, told me you are what you eat. I need to eat a skinny person.

   called your boyfriend gay, and he marked up my car with lipstick.

   Your face isn't a coloring book. Chill on the makeup!!

   Family Rule: Always give the first pancake to the person you dislike the most in your household.

   getting a tat of your kids faces is a great idea, as you get saggy and wrinkly it creates a free age progression for them

   just opened my chinese take out box and a cat jumped out, I guess the airholes should've tipped me off.

   whenever I want to stop an aggressive salesman, I just interrupt his spiel and ask, "Yes, but does it work on cats?"

   Removing access to contraceptives in order to discourage premarital sex is like removing seatbelts to encourage safer driving habits.

   Future old age homes are gonna love the nipple rings . so handy to lift them up and change the sheets

   I used to be a bull fighter, but gave it up because the bulls refused to listen to the referee when he told them to keep it clean and obey his commands at all times

   anyone else have like a thous.. FB friends and post somethin hilarious and get like 2 ppl like it...discouraging, ungrateful b@stards

   saw some mexicans beatin some white guy with sticks in tge street. I yelled, hey, ...hey..thats a man, not a pinata..

   for all those who answer "how's it goin?" with .."can't complain"...please review your FB status's

   Do you think the other planets are mean and make Jupiter cry by calling him fat?

   told by his girlfriend that she dreamt I was going to give her a diamond necklace for Valentine's Day. She asked me what this meant and I told her she'll know via my present that evening. She didn't enjoy the "What dreams mean" book I gave her for V day!

   For the chicks who forget why your boobs are so awesome...grab them and you'll remember why.