Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   $9.99 sounds fair enough coz $10 is an outrageous amount of money.

   Instead of laughing my ass off, I'm going to start laughing my stomach off. I'd rather lose that.

   I purposely cry while cutting carrots so onions don't think they're ugly or something.

   If you postin' 'bout Kony I feel bad for you son, He snatched 99 kids and your status saved none.

   Instead of sending me this annoying 21 Questions App invite, why dont you just inbox me your 21 questions and I will answer right away?

   If absence really makes the heart grow fonder, then the boss is going to *love* my new 2-day work weeks.

   No matter how cool you think you are... you still came out of a vajay so step off.

   Playing the villain is so much more fun than kissing ass.

   I consider anyone who doesn't like bacon a terrorist.

   If a girl doesn't squeeze toothpaste from the bottom up, never ask her for a handjob.

   I've found the ultimate troll. Not only did he steal my status, but he corrected my punctuation.

   If you don't drink, you're boring and all your stories end the same way with, “and then I got home and went to sleep.”

   I shaved my chest hair into a Superman "S". Ironically, I feel completely powerless and will probably endure a humiliating beatdown

   Whenever I see fire truck rushing somewhere in the rain, I'm confused as to how the sky didn't already do the job.

   For me, the sexiest part of a woman is her mind coz that's where she decides if she's going to have sex with you or not.

   If you watched a movie of my life backwards it'd be about a guy who refills vodka bottles and puts them back on the self.

   Ladies: If your guy gives you his jacket when you are cold, he expects you to give him sex when he's horny.

   Sexual pleasure (When done right) is a passion to which all others are subordinate, but in which they all unite.

   You know society is screwed up when a 10-year-old girl worries more about her weight than where her friends are hiding.

   if Foreigners would learn how to support themselves, America wouldn't be in debt all the time