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scrubbing the barnacles off a bum so my daughter has a date to the prom....being fat aint easy 
Just read that Bill Belichick talked to the Red Sox today. Topic must have been: How to lose to New York.
Live today like it's your last!! But pay your bills and use a condom just in case it isn't.
well at least the jets have god on their side now.
I wonder if Oriental ppl make the "Smiley faces" like this ☞ |-)
an uneasy feeling drinking from the water fountain by the bathrooms while someone flushes the toilet.
what do gay horses eat?.................HaaaaAAAAAaaayyyyyy
I hate when I accidentally get married and have 11 children with a woman then realize I dont love her anymore and leave her for my secretary
Sadly, knowing where the bodies were buried did not save the job of Bob the Grave Digger.
I was serenading under this chick's window and she still blew me off. Luckily, her grandma was old school. Score!
I'm a lonely Status. I wish more people liked me.
The entire freak show from the carnival was shopping at walmart and no one noticed....I gave a bearded lady a buck anyway
I just Googled "Myspace" and google said, "Did you mean FACEBOOK."
"If you're building a time machine, Take your time. what's the rush?"
I took a lie detector test the other day, I sure hope I can sell it on ebay
So does God now root for the Jets or does he stay loyal to the Broncos?
jus bought a new ride, cruisin thru the hood and was surprised to discover the confederate horn they forgot to mention.
In dog beers, I've only had one.
Due to the economy I decided to grow my own food...I guess cotton wasn't the best choice, makes you soooo thirsty
I think the use of steroids to grow our food is outta control, my apple has a beard 