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Going on a walk. Like some kind of freakin' car-less hippie moron. 
You haven't truly won an argument until the other person says "whatever."
Bills are like pubes; better when you don't have any.
Family that smokes together is called a JOINT Family
Whatever happens, Never agree to teach a girl how to ride a bike with her father watching..
<--- *punches the air like Cuba Gooding*
Judging by the disproportionate size of Popeye's forearms, I'm guessing Olive Oyl didn't put out much.
Waiting for the day when a girl finally says that I'm "the one," but isn't talking to a police officer.
On the off chance I'm captured by cannibals, I've got a 'Best if eaten by 1975' tattoo on my neck.
I have a horrible sleeping disorder where I have to wake up every morning and go to work.
I'm more confused than a homeless person on house arrest.
I will be buried in a spring loaded casket filled with confetti, and a future archeologist will have one awesome day at work.
"Fight fire with fire" - unequivocally the worst advice I have ever received. My house just burned even faster.
Hey Alanis Morissette! Getting a girl pregnant on a "pull-out" couch. That's IRONIC.
When I die, I want to be thrown out of a plane over the ocean wearing a superman costume.
if he dont get called "gay" enough (even though I'm sure he isnt) Beiber makes a song & decides to call it "Boyfriend".....way to stop the jokes & rumors
Wedding rings are the world's smallest handcuffs.
blackpeoplemeet.com really ppl i'm a black dude & I know I was never a slave and there is not any slave drivers left so what are we really doing here
❒ I am under the influence. ❒ I am above the influence. ✔ I AM THE INFLUENCE.”
Nice idea Mr Equality-For-All, but before we start those funds can we first make the Caucasians slaves for a couple of centuries and make them fight for their freedom and rights? Its only fair! 