Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Best prank call ever: "Hello, Dominos?"... "Yes, how may I help you?"... "What's the number to call Pizza Hut?"

   Word of Advice: No matter what city you live in, no matter where you travel, there will always be douche bags there.

   I guess killer bees have taken a back seat since pit bulls are roaming the streets.

   I am in no condition to talk about you're feelings(I'm a man)

   I hate feeling bad about feeling good about feeling bad.

   When Jedi need to read PDFs, they use Adobe Wan Kenobi.

   My status makes others look like tweets, my profile picture is a work of art, I am quite simply the most interesting man on Facebook

   You make me hold it for 250 miles, good luck on the last twenty feet A$$HOLE!-Bladder

   The amount of times I've had to say no to the Adobe Updater has totally prepared me to be a parent.

   everybody knows the real good friday is in two weeks 4/20

   Of the seven deadly sins, I consider Dopey the worst.

   I just sneezed on my phone and it made little rainbow sparkles all over the screen. I'm pretty sure that makes me a Wizard.

   Went to the playboy mansion today got a real BUNNY..!!

   she knows that some people never have to worry about hemorrhoirds, because they are perfect a**holes.

   Two can be as bad as one It's the loneliest number since the number one

   No is the saddest experience you'll ever know..

   I know it's 3 meals a day,,,,,, But how many at night?

   The cool thing about Taco Bell's " 5 buck box " Is that if you time your eating right... As soon as your done, you can turn right around and use the box to make a Mexican " soft serve" in it......... I know,, what a green idea

   The day after Easter should be known as Egg Salad Monday.

   Apple cobbler? Uh,, No thanks,,, If I ever want shoes made for my apples,, I'll buy them at the mall where they're cheaper,,, I'm NOT an idiot..