Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages

   My girlfriend accused me of faking it in bed last night, and she was right. I wasn't asleep at all.

   Good afternoon fellow friends. Today we're going to talk about Creativity. You see, creativity is... umm hold on a sec. Google is still loading...

   If you think my lunchbox looks a lot like a 12 pack, you're right... except there's only 4 left now! :)

   I am scared... Someday I might just catch flames automatically... Being so hot an all... ;)

   I have so much sand in my ass from the beach I have already made four little fartcastles on the floor.

   Cat picture. Car picture. Stupid update. Cat picture. Food picture. Cat picture. Emotional rant. Cat picture. Emotional rant about a cat. Cat picture. Stupid update. Cat picture. Cat picture. WHAT HAVE WE BECOME?!

   Simple cure for childhood obesity: Ice Cream Trucks that don't Stop.

   Reverse Psychology: If I were you, I wouldn't even bother trying, because you'll probably f*ck it up.

   Every time I get a birthday card with money in it, I pretend not to notice the money and “read” the card.

   Only trust people who like big butts... they cannot lie.

   Sometimes I zone out and forget what I'm supposed to be doing, and then I remember and take a drink of my beer.

   Saw a lady with back boobs at the beach. People with back boobs should wear backini's.

   Crap....all this time I thought I was listening to the Angel on my shoulder. Turns out the Devil on the other shoulder is just a hell of a ventriloquist.

   Anyone know where I could find a bunch of "Glad You Aren't Here" postcards to send out when I go on my vacation in a few weeks? I'll need about 50 of them.

   And God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the world. Then He made the world round .........

   Skills can be taught. Character you either have or you don't have.

   Having alcohol by yourself at home is considered a problem, but social drinking is acceptable. So whenever I open a mason jar of moonshine, I always log on to Facebook.

   There are so many scams on the Internet now... Send me $19.95 and I will tell you how to avoid them.

   Barack Obama's in training for a second term of office. He says if he's elected President he will also consider hunting vampires.

   This old lady dropped a grocery bag leaving the store today. My girlfriend told me "Don't just stand there" .....so I started to point and laugh.