doc noland Funny Status Messages

   My back just cracked to the beat of "The Rhythm is Gonna Get You". It finally got me...

   Wanna feel like a female porn star? Aggressively open a Yoplait under your nose.

   Stuttering's cool if you think of it as a drumroll for your sentence!

   I refuse to believe there's enough happiness in the world to justify anyone sticking magnetic daisies on their car.

   This girl just caught me staring at her, but I played it off by yelling “Cool wall behind that girl's head!”

   since I am unemployed I tell everyone "this is my Friday" all day everyday so at least I get some cheap thrill out of dying alone

   People say that you chew ice cubes when your sexually frustrated: Related News, I am responsible for the shrinking Ice caps.

   I can't decide if this thick orange sky color over New York is beautiful or too close to a chemical attack of some sort.

   Am I a hypochondriac? Well, a cloud just went in front of the sun and I thought I was fainting.

   There's a small child trying to talk to me right now. Quick! What should I do??

   I'd rather hear my parents describe how they have sex than hear a group of drunk chicks when their favorite song comes on.

   Just once I'd like to yell, "You're a f#%$ing disgrace!" without feeling like a hypocrite.

   Fellas--you CAN be friends with women, but if she's got those eyes that awaken the beast within, then relax and go see a movie by yourself.

   I have said it before and I will say it again. IT

   A nice name for a girl would be Regrette.

   In California, you can get a medical marijuana prescription for anxiety, insomnia, or wanting your Lean Cuisine to taste like real food.

   The Dominos Pizza Tracker should always end with "Your New Chin, You Fat Piece of Sh!t".

   TLC has announced that Kate +8 has been cancelled and has been replaced with a new show Casey -1.

   Some idiot just bought MySpace for 35 million. Now looks like the ideal time to sell my dusty old CD towers for 9 million dollars.

   Look out. The first song I heard today was Eye Of The Tiger. It scored my "looking for my car keys and wallet" montage.