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Big ass sunglasses do a pretty good job of hiding the ugly. 
It can get pretty exhausting hating as many people as I do in a day.
I hope they have enough wall plugs in hell.
"Listen to the sound of my voice...you're getting very sleepy...the economy is great...I alone fixed it...you will vote for me...on the count of 3 wake up" - Obama
I really hope somewhere there's a dentist whose slogan is "We'll fill your cavities. And maybe later we'll even work on your teeth!"
I went door-to-door today telling my neighbors I'm a registered sex offender so they'll keep their damn kids out of my yard.
Freckles are marks for every time you disappoint Jesus
Dear God, when I said six figure salary, I didn't mean only zeros.
Some people are only alive in this world because I really don't want to be someone's b!tch in prison
One Day I hope I can afford an iphone like that girl in line infront of me with the food stamps!!!
Bad Gun! Bad Gun!....Shame on you for making criminals do those bad things!.......And then those Forks that are making me Fat!!!
There is a piece of aluminum foil blowing across the road and all I can think is that one of you is without your protective headgear today.
I wonder if a Jedi can do a Jedi mind trick on himself to over-come a phobia.
Oh I'm sorry, I forgot I only exist when you need something!
it poontang or punetang? Need to know fast, I'm writing a sympathy card.
If it wasn't for the gutter my mind would be homeless.
My girlfriend spends every night in town, going into bar to bar. And she always f*cking finds me.
I never knew that Abraham Lincoln was such a badass, killing vampires and freeing slaves, I think he is my new favorite president, step aside Grover Cleveland.
Rise and shine to all the beautiful women of the world. Ugly women, don't get greedy, go back to sleep, your time is coming, at night. -_-
I have a feeling that If I were to be sorted by the sorting hat at hogwarts, I'd be directly sent to the kitchens to work with the house elves. 