lemonpillow Funny Status Messages

   Snow: where a couple of inches will keep a woman in bed all day.

   A blind man walks into a shop with his dog. Suddenly,the man picks up the dog by the tail and swings it around his head. The horrified shopkeeper asks "Excuse me,sir?? Can I help you?". Blind man says "No thanks. Just having a look around."

   Last week I sent my friend a pile of snow. I called her today and asked "Did you get my drift?"

   ..i thought it was sweet of my boss to gather us all together and warn us of the massive amounts of snow expected overnight and to drive carefully... then also warn us to "show up to work tomorrow or else". Aww they really DO care!

   ..is tired of waking up to his antics so she set a trap last night..Jack Frost won't be nipping any noses now for a LONG time..

   ...its -4 out and snow is on it's way tomorrow...so much for this global warming they talk about...although they'll probably blame the cold on the hole in the ozone layer or cow farts...

   ..it's so cold that Britney Spears made sure she was wearing underwear before she went out.

   ..wonders what the best thing was BEFORE slice bread came along.

   I put on my favorite winter jacket for the first time the other day, and as soon as I put my hands in those pockets, I was immediately reminded that last year I didn't have any money, either.

   ...thinks the "vamps" in Twilight and New Moon look like a cross between The Cure & NSYNC..ooohh..such shiny white fangs too!

   ..if people say they're "as honest as the day is long" does that mean they become less truthful in the winter?

   A man's New Year's resolution of no sex, no beer,no football,no nights out with the guys and no porn started today. He just got married..

   I Wish 2010 Brings You 12 Months of Happiness,52 Weeks of Fun,365 Days of Success,8760 Hours of Good Health, 52600 Minutes of Good Luck and 3153600 Seconds of Joy!

   ..New Year's Resolution: Drink More. Fall Down Less. She'll put that to the test tonight.

   May your troubles last as long as your New Years Resolutions!

   Youth is when you're allowed to stay up late and see the New Years in. Middle age is when you're forced to.

   HDTV: where the channels are still crap..but a much clearer and colorful crap.

   The National Eczema Association are currently fundraising. They've just launched a scratch card.

   Now that food has replaced sex,I can't even get into my own pants.

   Life is too complicated in the morning.