lemonpillow Funny Status Messages

   Makeup can make you look pretty on the outside. But it doesn't help if you're ugly on the inside. Unless you eat the makeup.

   How many divorced men does it take to change a lightbulb? No one knows. They never keep the house.

   Where there's smoke, the possibility exists I might be cooking...

   These internet scams must make it difficult for legitimate Nigerian officials to share huge sums of money with strangers

   ..met her ex at the gym. We didnt workout..

   ..is having car problems. The car won't start and the payments won't stop.

   It's been scientifically proven that chocolate contains a shrinking ingredient. It shrinks your clothing!

   ..pays her bills with a smile. Most creditors,however,would prefer cash..

   So far this year, my hindsight is only 20/10.

   ..thinks some people here have the mentality of a retarded turtle. But it's nice to see that monkeys can actually type these days. I knew that £2 a month I was donating towards the RSPCA would come to some good. Keyboard monkeys. Who'da thunk it?

   .menstruation, menopause, mental breakdowns... ever notice how most womens probIems begin with men?

   Aliens are coming to Earth on Monday to abduct all the good looking and sexy people. You will be safe, but I just wanted to say goodbye.

   Happy 75th Birthday,Elvis!

   Patience is the ability to let your light shine after your fuse has blown

   Lawyers are like rhinoceroses: thick-skinned, short-sighted and always ready to charge.

   ..is at home taking care of mum after her accident..she fell in front of a man and ended up with a big bump. A bit like how I was conceived,really ..

   ..if I want to hear the pitter patter of tiny feet ,i'll put shoes on my cats!

   Someone came up to me and said "T.G.I.F. Thank god its Friday!" I replied "S.H.I.T. Sorry hun,it's Thursday."

   ..can't wait for a nice English summer. The warmth,the sun,the clear blue skies..it will be a nice couple of days...

   Nudist Camp sign: "Sorry, Clothed for Winter".