Trump Filter: ON | OFF
Search Messages:
When I'm at the mall, I carry a purse around so people think I have a wife 
Bands who can't afford a smoke machine should hire my wife to cook at their concert
All that Felix proved Sunday was that Redbull does not give you wings... You must use a parachute
Homeless people have been known to step outside the box.
i'm not saying i'm batman but answer me this have you ever seen me and batman in the same room?
"tums" needs to change their product name....some ppl are dyslexic with heart burn & easy offended by reading SMUT on the bottles
The Wife just asked if she looked ok in her new pants.. She did... But I paused to long,,,,,,,,,,,,,Please send an ambulance…
I Just saw a tumbleweed roll past my last post
I never, ever pay attention to who unfriends me. But god does.
All year I try to give candy to children and the parents start yelling "don't take candy from strangers!"Then Halloween comes around and you send the brats to my front door. Well I'm keeping my candy this time!
I overhead my neighbor on the phone telling someone I was creepy and weird. I was so mad I almost crawled out from under her bed to confront her!
I'm not surprised Kristen Stewart couldn't act faithful. She can't act happy, sad, frightened, mad, shocked or aroused either.
My favorite part of last night's presidential debate is when I watched the Tigers/Yankees game instead.
legend has it that if you romance and violate me equally, i'll do anything you want. - Women
Why can we only bet on horses, why can't we bet on two-bit hookers being chased by knife wielding rabbis? I'd bet on that shi t.
I overheard my neighbor telling someone on the phone that I am creepy and wierd. I was so mad I almost crawled out from under her bed and confront her.
"I have 37 pairs of shoes, 23 purses, 9 pairs of sunglasses & an overflowing closet but how dare you waste $200 on that stupid toy!" - Women
I wish I was in a gang so I knew what do to with my hands in pictures.
The best part about pooping with the door open in the morning is being able to see everyone's face at Starbucks.
The only pain that brings my soul to its knees is hers. 