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I totally get why women are attracted to men who ride motorcycles. Like you increase your chances of getting to have two husbands by a lot.
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09-23-2015 22:58 by
Zinc
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People say eye contact is important when flirting, but when I put my finger in someone's eye they never seem to like it.
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09-23-2015 22:55 by
Zinc
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Diet tip: your pants will never get too tight if you don’t wear any.
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09-23-2015 22:54 by
Zinc
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"YOU WANNA TAKE THIS OUTSIDE?" - guy that just got a new kite for his birthday
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09-23-2015 22:54 by
Zinc
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I was in a gang once — we used to carry pocket knives & wear all green with blood-red bandanas around our neck. Wait, that was Boy Scouts.
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09-23-2015 22:53 by
Zinc
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Don't forget to cut me off so you can be the first person to the red light.
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09-23-2015 22:52 by
Zinc
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Why be difficult, when with a bit of effort, you can be totally impossible!
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02-24-2015 18:16 by
Zinc
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It's so cold out I've just turned 50 Shades Of Blue!
7
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02-24-2015 18:14 by
Zinc
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If my glass is half full then I start wondering where my bartender is.
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02-24-2015 18:14 by
Zinc
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What idiot decided to call them marijuana dispensaries and not grass stations?
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02-24-2015 18:13 by
Zinc
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I spend a lot of time holding the refrigerator door open looking for the answer.
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02-24-2015 18:12 by
Zinc
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4 out of 5 voices in my head say go back to sleep
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01-12-2015 13:19 by
Zinc
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Everthing will be ok in the end. If it's not ok, then it's not the end
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01-12-2015 13:18 by
Zinc
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Congress always makes me feel nostalgic for college when I waited for the last minute to do work and blame anyone but myself.
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01-11-2015 21:13 by
Zinc
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What's the form of public transit most rife with filth and disease? Let's name our sandwich shop after it
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01-11-2015 21:08 by
Zinc
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NASA found methane on Mars! Proving once again that no matter how ancient a civilization is, it's farts that truly endure.
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01-11-2015 21:06 by
Zinc
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I wonder what gets changed less frequently...the diaper of a crackhead's baby or the filter cartridge in my Brita.
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01-11-2015 21:05 by
Zinc
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My parent's kitchen was designed with 11 light switches, all of which turn on the garbage disposal if you're trying to be quiet
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01-11-2015 21:04 by
Zinc
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What does JK Rowling text her friends to let them know that she was just kidding?
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01-11-2015 21:03 by
Zinc
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I've survived enough awkward high-fives to know they're not worth the risk
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01-11-2015 21:02 by
Zinc
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