griff Funny Status Messages

   While cooking dinner tonight I got herbs in my eyes. I am now parsley sighted

   s a cool dad, that's my thang. I'm hip, I surf the web, I text. LOL: laugh out loud, OMG: oh my god, WTF: why the face

   Thinks Women are magic creatures: they get wet without water, bleed without being injured, give milk without eating grass, can make boneless meat ROCK HARD!

   I saw a charity appeal in the newspaper the other day, and it read “Little Zuki has to walk 13 miles a day just to fetch water”. And I couldn't help thinking, she should move.

   this morning there was ants all over my counter in the kitchen, I killed them all except one so he could go back tell his friends I'm serious about no ants in my house!

   I'm going to be the first person to walk on the sun...I know what ur thinking an I've got it all figured out...I'm going at nite

   British scientists have demonstrated that cigarettes can harm your children. Fair enough. Use an ashtray!

   The kids nowadays don't realize how lucky they are when it comes to porn. They can switch on the computer and have vast amounts in seconds. When I was a kid, I used to have a wank when I typed the digits 55318008 into a calculator

   Ok, so this girl on Facebook posted a status which read: "How can I get rid of this morning sickness?" Turns out replying, "Try a coat hanger" is a good way to get yourself deleted.

   Advice for office managers: Keep the sexual harassment complaint forms in the bottom drawer. That way, when she goes to get one you'll get a great view of her ass.