Mick F Funny Status Messages

   :E (Guy who doesn't know how to twirl spaghetti).

   :B (Guy with buck teeth).

   The Obamas are on vacation. Someone send a cop car by the White House to make sure Biden wasn't left home alone.

   This just in. The following have been arrested for selling counterfeit pizza. Papa John-Hungry Howie-Little Caesar-Cici-Domino-and Chuck E. Cheese. Tear gas was used to bring them out of their hiding place...Pizza Hut.

   The Rockin' Praise band at your hypocritical Creep Me Out Church doesn't exactly make your ancient 13th century worldview progressive.

   I saw two kids today texting each other on their cell phones while standing maybe two feet away from each other. Dear Future: I'm sorry.

   She won't let me warm my icicle feet on her toasty inner thighs due to the availability of a technology called "socks." WHATEVER.

   I don't friend request someone just because they have a pretty face. I friend request them if they have a pretty face and big t*ts.

   A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath he ordered a banana split. The waitress asked, "Crushed nuts?" " He goes, "No, arthritis."

   Buckwheat Word Of The Day: Dictate "I aks Darla wen she give me a bIow job how my dictate."

   My daughter came home from school and said that a boy showed her his pen!s. She said it reminded her of a peanut. I said, "Why, was it small? She said, "No, it was salty."

   Psychiatric labels are nice way of sugar coating the fact that some people are just plain a$$holes.

   ...Unique is an understatement, I'm just plain ol' messed up.

   Don't you hate sitting in a chair after someone gets up and it feels like their a$$ must've been under a broiler?

   Wishing all my facebook friends a fantasmagorical weekend filled with fun, sun, and...hang on a sec....huh?....okay, it's supposed to rain all weekend so never mind.

   Drugs may be the road to nowhere, but at least they're the scenic route.

   Once upon a time, many, many years ago in a galaxy far, far away, I was in the Boy Scouts. I slipped on a banana peel, hurt my ankle and a little old lady had to help me cross the street.

   The idiot that wrote about the "Porshes and Mexicans" knows how to spell Porsche.

   All 911 decals have been removed from Police cars in an effort to dissuade Mexicans from stealing them who think they're Porsches.

   Sex is like math. Add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs and hope you don't multiply!