MTQ Funny Status Messages

   Hahahaha!!! Pour me some more Champagne! Fuck!n' A! WOO HOO! YAY! YAY! ~Little Debbie

   Further proof the Mayans were right. Hostess goes bust while Little Debbie flourishes.

   Fortune Cookie: Woman who go fishing with six men...go home with red snapper.

   Have you ever broiled a turkey for Thanksgiving? It's not bad if you don't mind your turkey a little rare. Okay, very rare but....

   If you have a facebook page that features both you and your girl....you're a h0m0.

   Finally happened...knew it was coming....my beeper broke. Anyone know where to get a good deal on a new one?

   My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned ... couldn't concentrate.

   Aerosmith on the Today Show. Willard Scott Wished them all a happy 100th birthday.

   I was texting on phone with my mom. She asked me if the weather was really bad. I typed, "Nah", but autocorrect spelled: 'Nag'. Now she won't take my calls.

   I don't want chicken. I want Manicotti. Manicotti-fil-A. Now we're talkin'.

   You know when dogs sticks their heads out of a moving car window, bite at the air and it looks like fun? I tried it. It is.

   $ex is the most common event that draws people in to things. Be it sales, facebook posts, etc. I always felt that $ex is not the most important thing. And I've managed to instill this philosophy in all 18 of my kids.

   Word on the street: Johnny Depp is single. The other word on the street: You don't stand a chance.

   If everyone were telling the truth on fb, the economy would be booming, all kids would be geniuses, everyone would look like they're in their 20's, and all relationships would remain happily ever after.

   I like my ribs like I like my women. Hot, saucy, and on the bone.

   I'm coming out of the closet. Not that! I mean her husband finally left for work.

   Something's been eating away at me for a while. (It's nothing that a simple drive out of Miami won't cure.)

   My blonde GF kept yelling out 43 days! 43 days! I finally asked her why she kept saying that. She said she finished a puzzle that said 4-5 Years on the box.

   Starting tomorrow, every place I visit, I'm going to speak exclusively in double negatives. I'd do it today, but I'm not going nowhere.

   Forget Vi@gra. They need to invent a pill that'll make a girl like me for four hours.