lemonpillow Funny Status Messages

   Some things are best kept between you and your neighbours. Like a fence.

   Politicians are like diapers: they need to be changed frequently and for the same reason.

   Getting married for sex is like buying a 747 for the free peanuts.

   Of course,men can multitask. They read on the toilet.

   I love your approach. Now let's see about your departure.

   ..is so poor, she can't even afford to window shop.

   I believe in taking the bull by the horns. Then I believe in steering it in the direction of whoever is bugging me.

   Many things can be preserved in alcohol. Dignity is not one of them.

   When setting the table, does the remote control go to the left, to the right or over the dinner plate?

   This "fancy" wine rack I got for Christmas is total crap. NONE of these boxes fit at all

   I went to the bookshop and asked "How much are your "For Dummies" books?" The guy replied "How much ya got?"

   To err is divine. To blame it on someone else shows management potential.

   I wonder that when a bird gets a blow to the head,does it see a circle of flying humans?

   n't air travel wonderful? Breakfast in London, dinner in New York, luggage in Brazil..

   Hard work never killed anyone but i'm hoping my boss will be the first.

   I'm as nervous as a postman at a dog show.

   A child is like a mosquito: when it stops making a noise,you know it's up to something.

   I just committed the perfect crime. I stopped paying my shrink. He took me to court. I pleaded insanity.

   The iPad: protecting your data from embarrassing incidents.

   With my iPad in my lap, I feel so fresh. All over.