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I haven't had a drink all year! Unless you count those after midnight last night... 
well..... so much for my 'not killing time with Facebook' resolution.
My dream is to wake up to 2 girls. One will say "good morning sweetheart" and the other will say "good morning dad"
My car broke down outside Dominos last night. So I ordered a pizza to be delivered to my house and got a lift off the driver.
What happened in 2012 stays in 2012...
I've just invented a wireless, battery-free, hand operated hair-dryer.....I think I'll call it a 'Towel'.
HAPPY HANGOVER DAY
For anyone interested , I will be signing books at Barnes and Noble from 6PM until I am escorted out by securuty
Never ignore a person who loves you and cares for you. One day you may realise you've lost the moon while busy counting the stars.
Somebody died last night, but I didn't, somebody didn't wake up this morning, but I did, I'm not lucky, I'm blessed
My New Years Resolution is to be more positive and less sarcastic...I wonder how long this bull$hit fantasy will last.
Contrary to what you may think, my moral compass is not broken. It just happens to be pointing toward hell
I am not homeless but alot of homeless things happend to me.
For your information, we'll be remembered as the generation who thought a fat Korean pretending to ride a horse was entertaining to look at.
Facebook sure is quiet this morning....wonder why.
Happy New Year everyone....and may your worries this year last no longer than a Kardashian marriage .
When someone posts this: "Last year was wonderful....this year has been pretty awesome too! Can't stop smiling...bring it on!" It actually means: "I didn't do j@ck $hit."
The key to happiness is having something to look forward to. Lindsay Lohan turns 27 this year and there is this one club. She likes clubs.
Welp. Looks like I broke my new years resolution regarding procrastination....Guess who just p00ped their pants.
I remember 2012 like it was yesterday 