lemonpillow Funny Status Messages

   ...is a Vagitarian. :-)

   I love Facebook. It's the only place I can talk to a wall and not look like an idiot.

   A pat on the back is just a few centimeters away from a kick in the ass.

   Kentucky man wins 128 million dollar lottery. Says he will share winnings with his wife and sister. Lucky woman!

   They said the baby looked like me. Until they turned him the right way up.

   Just started the all donut diet, or as I like to call it, Glazed Anatomy.

   Disney World : A people's trap operated by a mouse.

   ..thinks you look fabulous! Who did it and how much?

   I don't know why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentines Day. When I think of romance,the last thing I think of is a short,chubby child coming at me with a weapon.

   You may attract more flies with honey. But you also attract bears. And those things can rip you to shreds!

   Hard work never killed anybody, but it does keep you off Facebook.

   ..is working on her bad intentions since the road to Hell is paved with good ones.

   The best part about living in a small town is when I don't know what i'm doing,someone else does.

   I'm not a nag. I'm a motivational speaker.

   It's Groundhog Day. But enough about the school menu.

   A baby first laughs at the age of four weeks. By that time his eyes focus well enough to see you clearly.

   ..5p from every voodoo doll she sells is going towards the Haitian quake relief. The Gordon Brown one is selling like hotcakes..

   I hate when women say their body is "shaped like a Coke bottle" and fail to mention that bottle is a 3 liter.

   "GATES PLEDGES $10 BILLION FOR VACCINES." Hope it's to fight viruses in windows.

   It's not the minutes that we spend sitting at the table that puts on weight. It's the seconds.