lemonpillow Funny Status Messages

   The sole purpose of a child's middle name is to know when they're in big trouble.

   ..because Chinese New Year and Valentines Day fall on the same day this year,i think i'll celebrate both with a takeaway! How romantic. Lol.

   Thanks to modern medicine, people can be sexually active long past the age when anyone wants to see them naked.

   I'm not a doctor, but I play one in the emergency room until security shows

   All you need is love. And Valentines Day is the perfect time to buy lots of things to prove it.

   When she asked me "What kind of idiot are you?" it took me awhile to realize it wasn't a Facebook quiz.

   I played a country music song backwards. I got my truck back,my house back,my dog back..

   Love may not make the world spin around but it certainly makes alot of people dizzy.

   I taught my dog to beg today. He came back with £12.75.

   If I didn't use the bus,i would never have a man opening a door for me.

   Farmville? Meh..just wake me up when they launch "Margaritaville"..

   February. It's not a leap year, but feel free to take a flying one anyway.

   I laugh in the face of danger, then I hide until it goes away.

   ..oh dear. Some special ed class somewhere is missing a student..

   ..lost £50 on the Super Bowl. That's the last time I bet on a horse.

   John Terry explained he didn't mean to have sex with Vanessa Perroncel - he just slipped while he was showing her how to take a penalty.

   When I was little, we used to play a game called "knock and run" where you knock on someone's door and run away before they answered. Nowadays, it's known as "Parcelforce"

   Facebook isn't better than sex, but sliced bread is in serious trouble

   ..to me, a Super Bowl is one that's full of snacks that I don't have to share.

   How is getting a bj from a 75-year lady like bungee jumping? Whatever you do,don't look down!