lemonpillow Funny Status Messages

   March 4th. I like today's date because it's like i'm telling people what to do.

   ..when people write "is ;-)" as their stat message,you tend to think,well,if I was ";-)" would I stop and write a stat update about it? Obviously you're not ";-)" very well.

   Definition of mixed emotions: seeing your mother-in-law go over a cliff in your brand new Porsche.

   Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team? Because those that can run,jump and swim are already in the U.S.

   What do you call a lesbian with long fingernails? Single!

   Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time because then you won't have a leg to stand on.

   My therapist just prescribed all new meds for my March madness.

   I want a search engine that will tell me where my keys are.

   Sow your wild oats on Saturday night. Then pray for crop failure on Sunday.

   I smile because I don't know what's going on.

   I bet curling atheletes have dirty houses. When they get home,they must think "Screw this. I do enough sweeping at work!"

   I should really stop confusing sign language for kung-fu.

   It's terrible how many cable channels are filled with nudity. And how few of those channels come with basic service

   Dilemma: Do I wash all my dishes or should I eat my cornflakes in a cup with a knife?

   You can cross my mind, run through it, play in it, bounce across it, dance in it. There is alot of room in there...

   i renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'

   This is a mean,cruel world & I want my nappy & medications right now!

   A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.

   I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.

   Well,today was a total waste of makeup.