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My wife said she bought the lingerie for me, but then got upset when I put it on. I don't understand women. 
Today's brilliant idea: Slim Fast beer.
‘No heel is too high when pointed up the ceiling.’
Everyone has a right to their own opinion, no matter how wrong they are. And that's why we have a problem.
I lost my virginity in a high-stakes game of "Just the Tip".
I think Miley killed Chucky Cheese and wore him to the VMA's
God damnit Disney, you screwed up another one. Now I'm gonna have nightmares about teddy bears.
I think that Justin Timberlake should have won an award at last night's VMAs for the only person to make it out of Disney without a drug problem....
glow in the dark condoms are so much more fun for Star Wars fans.
People who squirt Ketchup all over their fries instead of dipping them are not people you want in your life.
Hillybilly Word Of The Day.."Twerk"..."Welp, I'm done with lunch so I'd better get back twerk!"
1999, people said "Britney Spears is a bad role model for young girls." 2013 the young girls are grown up. Their name is Miley Cyrus.
It really isn't a good idea to be left with your own thoughts. I just had a long discussion with myself. We both agreed
Miley was front page news longer than the last school shooting...
I don't see what the big deal is, I had to twerk at 8am.
My dentist said I can't play Candy crush cause I have cavities.
Breaking: Miley Cyrus to appear on Lap Dancing with the Stars.
Dr King had a dream and Obama turned it into a nightmare
I had a dream too. It was to watch the last 5 minutes of General Hospital. Dammit.
Smoke your dirty weed nobody cares just stop trying to justify it to people who don't smoke 