aaron Funny Status Messages

   Halloween is the by far the safest day to kill a person and leave them in a chair on your porch.

   Being lonely, I don't sit at reserved tables. I like the furniture to be friendly and outgoing.

   If you want to find a needle in a haystack, burn the haystack.

   Roses are red. Violets are blue. The Universe is a holographic wave-particle illusion. I licked all your spoons.

   You actually are not the stupidest person on the planet. But if he were to die...

   If I see a parked car with one of those stick figure family things, I always add a sticker of myself to it and then just wait in the car.

   That akward moment when a Zombie is looking for brains and it walks right past you..

   Loving someone means never killing them even if you hear scratchy, high pitched demon voices telling you "it must be done."

   I feel like grabbing a random kid by the shoulders and screaming "I'm you from the future!"

   If I ever get arrested, my one phone call will be to the police station to do a bomb scare. I'm not spending the night there.

   Whenever I'm introduced to an old person I mentally add “osaurus” to their name.

   Couldn't afford a butterfly knife, so I got a caterpillar one. Now, I wait.

   My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'

   Ive created a fb group called "threesome" and invited two girls. I'm not going to say a word and just see what happens.

   If I ever saw someone do some of the things I do, I'd be horrified.

   The original plan for Mount Rushmore was to have them all making out with each other.

   I'm participating in a 0.25K run to raise awareness for people with attention deficit disorder.

   It's kinda bullsh*t how humans have to obey all these laws while bears get to eat whoever they want.

   I can tolerate having a "kick me" note put on my back, but a "wash me" note really cuts to the core.

   Scared of dying alone? Become a careless bus driver!