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Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages
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All my life I thought air was free.... until I bought a bag of potato chips
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11-15-2012 23:54 by
Marshall the Great
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My girlfriend surprised me with bubble wrap panties last night. Lets just say it was fun Popping ........that Coochie!
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11-15-2012 23:38 by
Marshall the Great
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Screw you IHOP...why the hell am I banned? The waitress clearly asked me where I wanted the whipped cream... I just showed her.
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11-15-2012 01:36 by
Marshall the Great
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Dec 21st falls on a Friday... What a sh*tty way to start the weekend..
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11-15-2012 01:36 by
Marshall the Great
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Seriously, if Liam Neeson was my dad I'd start so much crap with people...
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11-15-2012 01:36 by
Marshall the Great
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Just took a photo of myself naked. A hundred 'likes' within the next hour, or I'll post it.
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11-14-2012 21:49 by
Marshall the Great
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So when a woman says "I'm fine" am I supposed to buy flowers, chocolates or both?
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11-14-2012 21:29 by
Marshall the Great
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Being a man is great until you hear a noise late at night and realize you are the one that has to go investigate...
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11-14-2012 21:27 by
Marshall the Great
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30 Days Of Gratitude: Day 14: You're all welcome. (Am I doing it right?)
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11-14-2012 21:25 by
Marshall the Great
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My girlfriend does this awesome trick with a cherry stem in her mouth. She doesn't talk for about 7 minutes.
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11-14-2012 21:22 by
Marshall the Great
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To the people who have birthdays this week... your parents sure know how to celebrate Valentine's Day!
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11-14-2012 21:13 by
Marshall the Great
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There needs to be a new traffic light color. Something like blue that means "Hey, stop texting. The light's about to turn Green."
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11-14-2012 21:08 by
Marshall the Great
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The moment when your sense of smell kicks in is the exact same time that hearing the dog fart stops being funny.
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11-14-2012 21:06 by
Marshall the Great
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I'm glad I don't have to hunt for my food... I dont even know where sandwiches live!
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11-14-2012 21:03 by
Marshall the Great
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I remember when Santa said I was to old to sit on his lap. Well that was last year, this year I am wearing a disguise.
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11-14-2012 20:56 by
Marshall the Great
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Only 16 more days for December to Remember that, no one loves you enough to buy you a Lexus.
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11-14-2012 20:53 by
Marshall the Great
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Running away doesn't help you with your problems, unless your problem is obesity...
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11-14-2012 20:51 by
Marshall the Great
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Kids hate it when they open their new toy only to find out that batteries are not included. So do women.
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11-14-2012 20:49 by
Marshall the Great
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Siri is the only form of intelligent communication I've talked to on my phone since October 4, 2011.
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11-14-2012 20:41 by
Marshall the Great
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Every time traffic policemen stops me they ask if I have drunk anything. But no one ever asked me if I had eaten anything.
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11-14-2012 20:35 by
Marshall the Great
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