lemonpillow Funny Status Messages

   Peter Griffin doesn't look so stupid now with his volcano insurance.

   My friend just introduced me to a Money Making Scheme that guarantees a 100% payout. It's called a job.

   I was injured tap dancing. Broke my ankle when I fell into the sink.

   Every time I step on my scale, it reads ERR. I think it's trying to change the subject.

   Why was the blonde angry when she got her driver's license? Because she couldn't believe she had an F in sex.

   A braille porn magazine has been launched ths week - complete with explicit raised text and pictures. At least this is one time where looking at porn won't make you go blind.

   If genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration,i wind up sharing elevators with a lot of bright people.

   Friends are like computers : they enter into your life,saves you in their heart,formats your problems & never deletes you from their memory.

   I have no sense of proportion. Which causes me big problems. Or small ones. I'm not sure

   Don't think of it as thousands of dollars of your hard-earned money. Think of it as a toilet seat for the Pentagon.

   With all the farm building and mafia hits, no wonder you don't have time to find a job.

   Being a mime means never having to say you're sorry.

   ..wishes her hair was blonde. That way,it wouldn't have a mind of it's own like it does this morn. X

   If anybody steals my identity, at least I'll know who to look for.

   It's been announced that Nigeria has 22,980,000 internet users. I've received emails from every single one.

   If George Washington never told a lie...then how did he get elected?

   If you believe the competitive spirit in America is dead, you haven't been in the supermarket when the cashier opens another checkout line.

   Sometimes "dressing for the job you want" is referred to as "impersonating an officer".

   If there's one thing I like to rock,it's casbahs.

   We could learn a lot from crayons: some are sharp, some are pretty, some are dull, some have weird names, and all are different colours. But they all have to learn to live in the same box.