g0re Funny Status Messages

   It'd be really weird if animals were like pokemon in that they said their names instead of making sounds. So instead of going "Meow" a cat would walk around going "CAAAAAAT CAAAAAT! CATCATCATCAT!"

   Stop, drop, and roll isn't just an effective fire safety tip, but it is also an interesting way to get out of a boring conversation.

   Buying someone flowers is kind of a weird idea. Like: Hey, these are for you, now watch them slowly die, because I love you.

   Being a doctor is exciting than being a dentist, because if someone gets sick or is having a baby on a plane.You can help them & be the hero. But if you're a dentist, I doubt this ever happens: OH GOD THIS PERSON HAS A CAVITY! IS ANYONE HERE A DENTIST!?

   You know you watch too much porn when you go to a hospital expecting a threesome.

   It's kind of funny that Shakespeare invented the word "swagger."

   It's really annoying when you want to talk to someone, but you have a feeling that they don't want to talk to you.

   It must've been tough being a magician in the 15th century. "Is this your card?" "Burn him! Burn the witch!!".

   Waking up at 7:00 always seems better than waking up at 6:59.

   You usually don't care what other people are saying until they start whispering.

   In Toy Story 3, if Andy was 17, that means that the toys stood there in silence while andy furiously masturbated.

   Latin is like zombies. They're both technically dead but still influencing society.

   If a zombie apocalypse ever happens, we all better hope people who can do parkour don't get infected.

   t's annoying that you have to sexually rub the wall while you search for the light switch in a dark room.

   It's better to have a life of 'Oh Wells than a life of 'What if...'

   "Ho ho ho" would be more appropriate as a Halloween greeting.

   When a serial killer sees their victim is getting away, they should just shout"you're on scare tactics!" and then catch up and shank them.

   If there was a game show based off of Mario Party, I would definitely want to be on it,

   Since we start counting at one, zero is"countless." Therefore, I have slept with countless girls.

   “One man's trash is another man's treasure” is an awesome phrase, but it's a horrible way to tell your kid they're adopted.