lemonpillow Funny Status Messages

   What can a lawyer do that a duck can't? Stick it's bill up it's arse.

   Life without chocolate is like a beach without water.

   Alcohol was my dad's answer to everything. He didn't drink. He was just lousy at quizzes.

   If women ruled the world there would be no wars. Just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other.

   Ad on the internet : The Braile superstore - Thousands of Braile products, many of which you've never seen before.

   What is it with Facebook games like Mafia and Farmville. I guess people need to balance their murder and violence with beets and little lost sheep.

   How do deaf people know if someone is screaming or yawning?

   Life not only begins at forty, it begins to show.

   Getting married is similar to going to the restaurant with friends. You order what you want, and when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.

   ..is making it look she has an IPad by drawing out the internet on her Etch-a-Sketch.

   Why do I need scissors to open a pack of scissors? The whole point of buying scissors is that I don't f*cking have any!

   You know you're getting older when the candles cost more than the cake.

   If "fire" didn't rhyme with "desire" and "right" with "tonight" most Boy Bands wouldn't be able to write a song.

   Yo momma's so fat that when she was cremated,all the flights in Europe got cancelled.

   What's the difference between Cheryl Cole and the Icelandic volcano? The volcano's still blowing ash.

   If you think chocolate is better than sex,you really need to find that special someone. If you have already met someone special and STILL believe it,i seriously need to know what kind of chocolate you're eating!

   Skilled workers are hard to find. That's why idiots are promoted to management.

   The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.

   Teach a child to be polite and courteous, and when he grows up, he'll never be able to edge his car onto a freeway.

   Remember, the next time Iceland says "pull my finger" ignore it