lemonpillow Funny Status Messages

   There's a fine line between hyphenated words.

   Life is like a game of cards. If you don't have a partner, you better have a good hand.

   It's easy to get people dancing at parties. Just hold up the line for the bathroom.

   I don't know who example555@hotmail.com is but I wish he would stop using my MSN Messenger.

   Z is the last letter in the alphabet because it overslept.

   ..loves to wake up with her partner snoring her little heart out behind me...

   An Eskimo in the North Pole was arrested on suspicion of murder. Police want to know what he was doing on the night between September and March.

   73% of men don't know what a cookie is. But 99% know how to delete them.

   I'm so exhausted from my French self-defense course. I've never had to run so far in all my life!

   Kansas wheat farmer awoke to find both his wife & only tractor missing from his farm. Detectives believe the two disappearances are connected,as police have found both a Dear John and a John Deere letter.

   "Man Falls Off Bridge While Urinating" Authorities are still trying to figure out what pissed him off.

   I met this girl who was so ugly that Facebook banned her profile pic and sent her back to Myspace.

   Telling my nephew that leprechauns store their gold in electrical sockets and that he'd need a fork to get it out probably wasn't a good idea.

   Why did the chicken cross the roa... *thump*thump* Nevermind.

   Greeting cards are for people who mean every word someone else said.

   not a PC and your commercials are getting on my nerves.

   I walked into my local newsagent and noticed he put a "NO READING IN THIS SHOP!" sign up. So I grabbed four bars of chocolate and said "Which one of these is a KitKat?"

   Time flies when you throw your alarm clock across the room.

   I bought a cheese grater for Stevie Wonder. He said it was the most violent book he's ever read.

   What did the blonde get on the I.Q. test? Nail varnish.