doc Noland Funny Status Messages

   Apple is suing the family of Sir Isaac Newton on the grounds he had no right using the apple to prove the theory of gravity

   The person who truly sees will marvel at everyday things.

   How are there 45 shows about storage units and 23 about pawn shops and not a single show about women doing yoga?

   Not enough rap songs out there stressing the importance of eating carbs before drinking champagne. So you can remember that h0e.

   Being single is nice because I don't have to repeat my mumbled gibberish in a defensive tone.

   I have my hesitations about Paradise City if the first thing you brag about is the color of the grass

   Heard they let some women into that fancy Augusta golf course. There is no shame in that. This is America, nobody likes a sausagefest.

   I organized a 3 some last night. There were a couple of no shows but I still had a good time.

   thinking of joining the Mortal Kombat tournament. I am pretty deadly with Hulk hands on.

   Nobody at work will play bloody knuckles with me. I swear we've raised a nation of pansies. Now where's my latte and hot rock masseuse?

   a guy at work has the whispering skills of Samuel L. Jackson.

   I could never find it in my heart to kill another person, but I've entertained the thought of dancing on a grave or two.

   Let's observe a moment of silence for all the black women who don't have a Q or an apostrophe in their first name.

   I have walrus-like reflexes! Basically I roll around my apartment and slap my belly when I want food

   I jump out of bushes to give surprise breast exams. I save lives. The police are on the lookout for me. Probably to give me an award.

   Unicorns eventually got into rough @n@l-play. And that's why they're extinct.

   So what your saying Chick-Fil-A, you will not be sponsoring Men's Olympic Racewalking.

   There is over a billion people in China and there is also only two haricuts

   The only thing worse than trying to lose at badminton is trying at badminton.

   A famous rapper got high and did something stupid? Well now I've seen everything.